Subtle Humor

THE CONFERENCE CALL

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Corporates have a sort of busy schedule, at least they successfully pretend to have one. So many things to be taken care of, coffee, gossip, coffee again, some work, lunch, one more coffee, meetings, just one more coffee and then the tiresome day ends somehow. In the midst of all these important activities, there are certain important things that should be discussed on priority as per the client. These extremely important things are considered to be trivial issues by the managers and thus they decide to resolve it by making a conference call. I always wonder who came up with the idea of the conference call. This person surely must be very lazy or too particular about his work, not wanting to waste time in unnecessary meetings.

So, for the sake of definition, a conference call is a telephonic call wherein multiple people, related or not, discuss ‘important issues’ and try to find a solution to them. It is very difficult to connect a conference call. There is always atleast one person who is either not reachable or not answering the calls.

There are different types of people in a concall. Let us categorize them into 3 basic types:

1) Type 1- The ‘I can solve this’ types

2) Type 2- ‘I have an opinion’ types

3) Type 3- ‘I don’t give a f***’ types.

Type 1 are the ones who know the issue in and out and are the most, rather, only required people in the call. Type 2 are the ones who know nothing about the issue but they have a very strong opinion on it. And then there is this third category, Type 3, my personal favorites. These people know nothing about the issue and they don’t care either. They are a part of the conference call coz they ought to be there. They would be more than happy if they would be left out.

The call usually starts with introduction. Each one introduces themselves which is conveniently forgotten (or ignored) by the rest of the members. After the introduction round is done, the actual discussion begins. This is when the Type 1 is trying to understand the problem and find a solution to the same. The Type 2, for the initial few minutes of the conversation, is silent contemplating ways to interrupt and complicate the simple conversation. Guess what the Type 3 is doing all this while? The Type 3 has already put the call on mute and chilling with his colleagues filling just another cup of coffee.

The conversation, in the meanwhile, has taken an aggressive turn as our Type 2 friend has come up with a complicated out of context query which everyone knows is stupid but no one would say that since this is an ‘official call’ and everyone together would try to figure out a solution for that leaving aside the actual problem. They are arguing over some serious stuff when one of them suddenly remembers about our Type 3 friend being on the call as well. Everyone then focus their attention on Type 3 who is utterly clueless about even the topic under discussion when his phone suddenly loses network and he swiftly moves to get one more cup of coffee.

6 thoughts on “THE CONFERENCE CALL”

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